this blog is really just stalling to go out!

So of course i can blog & do an update. Much has happened & is going on of course. But More so than that, I joined a class @ my public library for tonite ( free). It's for mommies ( NOT mommy & me). Just a program that meets 1x a month for moms to meet other moms, talk about their challenges, ideas, bla blabla about being a mom. I think for the most part for me its just a place i see as perspective friends to meet in my local area. moms. I really need to. Thing is i don't believe it's for the children/babies to be there & my husband doesn't come home til 7:45pm. The class starts 7pm-8:30pm. so I'd have to bring him in & I'm a bit unsure if a roudy toddler being there will be an issue for them =/.
Also he had a late nap, so a late dinner & i just finished feeding him & It's 6:45pm . so i feel that rushed feeling. Overwhelmed to have to get him dressed, me dressed ( i look a mess). I know we don't have to walk in like it's a fancy night out but i'm trying to make freinds for both of us & I would like to appear presentable!
so that itself takes time with him, & a few odds & ends he needs as usual & a few anxiety related ( just in case i freak out stuff).
all that & to get him in the car & get there.. ok "there" is a mile away but still.
idk, i just feel rushed & very foggy. I'm so tired today & PMS as well. I know better than to let this control me going. I know it's just PMS, just being tired, just having to rush a bit & ok yes be there in a setting Im not used to as usually my ventures to the library are free roaming. to go & walk around, see a movie where i can just get up as i wish & leave. This is a program/class where id be in a room with others & it might seem odd or rude to just up & leave. that trapment thing ya know?
sigh.. so yeah, even in my own home im feeling very spacey & detached feeling leading to a panic attack!.
I accpet I get this way & it's my challenge, but I also still get very upset with myself for letting it control me.
i want to just get up & grab our things & GO. who knows? maybe once I'm there I'll shake this feeling. maybe i NEED that envirnoment to help me? will i go? will i avoid? i guess we'll see.