insomnia & romance

so it's after 4am! I WAS asleep from 11pm-2am but then i woke up. I decided to resist going down stairs & watching tv or hitting the internet. Instead i stayed in bed & read another chapter of my book quietly as my husband slept beside me. I had such a long day feeling tired from being up the night before as well & then we went to a friend/neighbors home for out 1st real hangout at their home. we've stood outside yapping w/ them before several times as they'd pass walking their 2 young boys but finallyi made a move to ask to get together as im despreate to find a friend to hang with , espcially one who is a mom & can have playdates . we;; they are perfect as they are similar to us in many ways & have 2 young boys 6 & 4 & live just 1-2 houses down across a side st from me.
so we went there tonite for 3 1/2 hrs we hung out as the boys & my son played. It was very fun & I felt great to be around NICE fucking people for once.
Anyway, we came back after a quick stop to get beer for my tired husband who dug us out of 3 feet of snow for 2 hrs & a bag of chips for me.
So, we were in the kitchen, baby was asleep & we got to talking about death since we found out about brittany murphy dying so young. Not sure how but that became a discussion of what we'd do if we had lost the other at this young age. I mean we'd both be pretty lonely at this point to never date again right?
So I wasn't sure, i said.. i knew & said i'd want to eventually find someone to share my life with but with a child & it not being a fall out or divorce.. my heart would find it hard for a while for sure & I just paused i was oddly at a loss for words! i didn't know!
WEll to my suprise , HE knew & had a very strong opinion on his feelings. (usually this is an opposite situation for us).
H said " well I for one would NOT get married again if you died, ever" he said " I might date eventaully, spend some time with a woman here or there maybe have a girlfriend if it happens but marriage? no way" he said I wouldn't live with her either. I was sorta baffled & said what? the legal crap? maybejust have a " wife" w/o the marriage ? he said no, it's not that. I feel marriage is a once thing for me, many remarry & that's fine for them. but for me, i see it has you're the one,i picked & want you & although you'd be gone I could never come close to finding anyone like you or sharing what we have. Also he said "& having our son, no way, I'd trust no other woman to live with him & i as if she was any form of mom to him. Id trust no woman at all to speak to him or for him as a mother type figure YOU'RE his mommy & that can never be replaced or compared. he said he'd just want to raise our son, maybe date but live alone. I said that is very sweet but sad & sounds lonely.. but h was firm & set that it is what it is, & he'd notbe alone he;d have family & maybe a woman to date but never a live in " wife" like relationship. you marry 1x you find that one soulmate & that is it , you lose them, you live w/o them.
i was so moved & baffled by this. so unlike him yet it was so romantic to think he had that strong of a feeling for me. I realized, i felt the same id have such a hard time seeing any guy i dated interact with my son like the "man" in his life.. i see the bond he has with our son & how they are so close. NO MAN can ever step in & touch that.
I feel truly blessed as i ponder that, how close we are the 3 of us, how close my son feels to both of us & how my husband is my very best freind.
mind you he said this all making dinner barely looking at me so unware it was just about eh most romantic thing he has ever said & how profound his feelings for me were expressed.. lol
men! they try so hard to be romantic & often fail, yet when they do it w/o effort he didn't even notice himself lol
my heart had melted .