Friday, December 4, 2009

Am i on a secret sitcom?

I swear my day has been something you'd see on a sitcom. One of those typical shows where the moms day is just crazy & everything that can go wrong will? You laugh at it or feel maybe it doesn't really happen that way. YES is does!
I was already having a day let's just say. I missed a mommy & me class due to my agor. I DID manage to get there with alot of pushing to get out & keep driving . Usally I am able to make such a drive but well I have my off days. Today was off. I was upset I didn't get to the class but happy i pushed further through than i felt capable. So i dropped off books & a dvd & drove around a bit just to stay out.
By the time i got back i was wiped out & the baby was due for a nap. I fed him & put him down & i read one of the books I'm reading & called my mother about making plans for the holidays. Then I myself fell asleep. I did earlier have some pains in my right side but higher than my ovary, like gall bladder area i guess but I'm not one to think my gall bladder is bothered. My anxiety isn't as typical in the fact I dont think Im having a heart condition or anything more than something not worth worrying about. so I figured it's gas or something lame like that. I woke up exhausted to his cry. I staggered to get him & whip up a fast dinner ( eggs) b/c we have nada in the house!
ok so that part was ok cept i was so tired. I began to think about how my husband was just venting last night to me about his work & how they are screwing them over for the holidays, no party, maybe on bonuses &lack of overtime. He said he hasn't been motivated to bring out the holiday decorations for me ( i start dec 1). He just felt blah about the holidays since he felt we have no $ we cat buy gifts for our son or eachother & so on. He isnt being materialistic per say, he just felt unappreciated mostly. He works damn hard all year, harder than most at his job & it felt like a kick in the ass.
well i decided I'm gonna somehow get myself in the crawlspace & carry out all this stuff & set up a festive home for him to come home to & cheer him up.
well.. shit shit shit.
so i get the stuff ( or some of it)
idk why but the lil guy starts getting super fussy. he was just fed & just woke up so i didn't know what maybe teething?. so i gave him some baby oragel & began.. well he wouldn't let me put him down , wanted to be held the whole time i set up a tree with one hand! & it kept tipping over! my pain was getting worse & sharp & i wasn't sure if it was gas anymore.. now i was getting worried " maybe is is a gall bladder attack?"
so, im in pain now im so stressed b/c the baby is crying he wont let be do anything , the cat was running crazy & being all curious but getting inthe way.
i get the tree up & a few small stuff too.. but the baby is having a meltdown! so i was like that's it! I put him in the crib & left thinking maybe he is just tired & i can't take this ! he is still crying, im in pain & i go to finsih the tree but as i put some stuff on it the cat jumps up to see & knocks over the tree , which unplugs the lights & so on.. she did this 2x in a row! he is crying in the background & i just lose it! i begin to cry. I couldn have chose to laugh i guess & normally i probaly would but idk.. i just felt so defeated or something. i finally get the tree sorta standing & a few stuff on it but my pain was pretty bad to i stopped.
I got the baby who wasn't going to sleep i guess & now he seems ok down here in the den =/ idk why he didnt like it up thre??? so im still in pain & stressed i have a few festive stuff for him to come home to bu i feel like it was not at all as nice as i wanted it looks so 1/2 done it may be MORE depressing than not.
so now i just feel stressed( a bit anxious too), in pain & so angry bc i can never seem to get shit done with a baby? why is is ok now to sit & play bt not while i was setting up holiday stuff???
ugh this blog is so negative & whiny i know. but this is how i feel right now. for now..
-UPDATE____
ok so I did alot more decorating, hubby came home & was touched & happy to see it, down to some holiday scented candles...=)

No comments:

Post a Comment